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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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the resolution- jack's mannequin |
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tonight was terrible. were just leaving for the beach now. i mean, are you fucking kidding me? i hate my family at the moment and have been crying continuously since the whole cooper thing. things just keep piling fucking on.
ugh and idk with cooper. i mean, as i said to him, i honestly couldn't not be friends with him. i need him. and apparently he doesn't need me. which, whether is for my own good or not, is rly hard to hear. i mean, when i say "cooper, yhur best may not be enough" idn want him to say "okay lets just not be friends." i want him to say "yes it will freckles. you'll see. watch how good of a friend i can be." instead i get "yeah yhur right, hate me~" idk, i don't think he realizes how sad he makes me sometimes idk. ik for a fact tht he doesn't do it on purpose. he wouldn't do tht to me. he's a good friend, my best. but everyone has their faults. and it's just hard to deal with his sometimes, i mean, idk what to do. like when he's in a bad mood, when i ask him why he says he dsnt know. but everything i say i get one word answers, like idk. how am i supposed to help out? idk. i mean, it's obviously not my favorite thing to tlk to him when he's like tht. but i do, for him. but it seems like it dsnt make a difference, and i'm doing it for him and idk like why do it if it dsnt help him? idk. i understand his moods, i suppose. i'm sure i was hard to deal with after connor. but idk, he always yelled at me. i of course dn do tht to him. but idk, i just try to help. and one it never works, and two i just get hurt majority of the time. idk idn think he understands tht i havta try so hard everyday to meet up to his high expectations. i just feel like he wouldnt do this same for me? or something. and he always says i'm a better person then him, but i'm rly not. i just ACT like a better person, for him. and it dsnt even do anything, it's just like why should i then? idk.
but then on the otherhand, he's sundance. i can tlk to him ab anything. and we hangout doing nothing for hours and it's sm fun. and i honestly have no idea what i would do without him, who i would go to with everything. he could give up our frienship, but i rly rly could nvr. like i said, despite him making me sad sometimes, he makes me happy, so happy wayyy more. and i'm thankful tht i have him, more so then he'll ever realize.
idk, just fml okay. i'm not even discussing my family shit bcuz it's so fucking dumb and i hate them right noww. i just want my carrrr. &my licenseee. &i wanna be out of this goddamn fucking dumb town. thankgod i should be at the beach soon. wtf am i going to do once school starts?? ugh. not even thinking ab it.
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cynical
bouncy